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| blogs that were once private or protected will now be public, starting today. (to indicate whether it was once private or protected, there will be a border, like that around this "blog".) | | |
| | Your Life: The Soundtrack | | Waking up: | "for real" - amel larrieux | | Average day: | "two occasions" - babyface | | First date: | "something stupid" - frank sinatra | | Falling in love: | "knocks me off my feet" - stevie wonder | | Love scene: | "rope burn" - janet jackson | | Fight scene: | "save me from myself" - christina aguilera | | Breaking up: | "i can't believe" - 112 & faith evans | | Getting back together: | "trying times" - boyz II men | | Secret love: | "showtime" - nelly furtado | | Life's okay: | "i just can't stop loving you" - michael jackson | | Mental breakdown: | "delilah" - tom jones | | Driving: | "think twice" - erykah badu | | Learning a lesson: | "both sides now" - joni mitchell | | Deep thought: | "show me" - john legend | | Flashback: | "every little thing i do" - soul 4 real | | Partying: | "lovestoned" - justin timberlake | | Happy dance: | "all day sucker" - stevie wonder | | Regreting: | "till it happens to you" - corinne bailey rae | | Long night alone: | "overkill" (acoustic version) - colin hay | | Death scene: | "paris" - faith hill | | Closing credits: | "that's life" - frank sinatra | Take this survey | Find more surveys | MySpace Surveys
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| EDIT... i don't consider other girls as enemies any longer. if anything, most girls i love... almost to make others believe that i may "swing" that way (just ask edward... he gets suspicious). competition is a bit complicated sometimes.
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| when i was little, my family and I would go to the mall, to the grocery store, to the post office, wherever... i remember just being with them, doing really nothing.. i hardly remember playing around or being obnoxious.. i hardly remember asking for much (maybe a barbie doll here or there).. what i DO remember about those outings was the dirty looks i'd give to all strangers, particularly little girls around my age. it's funny because any girl who'd come around my area would automatically (almost naturally) become my enemy. i always made it as obvious as possible that i hated their presence in my space. *dirty look* i know not why. they were strangers... but they were my enemies.
it's established now in my life that no matter what, there's just that element of competition. from my childhood without any sort of known coaching, there has been that need to be better or just the "owner" of all things around.
i think for me it's a girl thing. i have the feeling inside me that often needs to know that i'm "better than 'that'"... whether it's to do with "the ex girlfriend" (if she's cool or not) or it's to do with the girl that someone just called "cool"..
it's not destructive, i don't think... it's not at all hostile.. it's just how it is. i wouldn't get into someone's face about how absolutely wonderful i am, no (goodness, no!). i wouldn't even talk to anyone about how i feel, because it really is of no consequence.. the feeling isn't really present in mind, it's just that little, split-second whisper. (and there really is no reason to express a non-whisper.) i just acknowledge that i have it in me. it seems i've always had it in me. (so if you liked me before this blog, then you probably should continue to like me afterward. if you didn't like me... then keep it up.)
definitely i'm not as much of the dirty-looker as i was as a little girl... i'm just aware of the thought. i know when there's another girl around, and i know that she could "win" people over with her sparkling personality or captivating beauty.. but i know that there's something i can offer (as a person) that could very well compete with the best of 'em.. even if it's only seen in my own little screwed up world.
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| should this start up again?
well! let's do some updating if i shall indeed restart on this xanga thing..
- location--if you don't know, i live in seattle, wa. i've lived here for almost two years... i used to live in anchorage, ak. (recommendation: visit alaska for a week or two.. beautiful place to experience.)
- education--i'm still in the process of finishing up a degree... moving around can have quite an affect on people... well, on me. (idea: focus.)
- relation--i'm with a cool guy named edward. known him for a while, disliked him for a while, then i liked him a little, now i like him a lot. (advice: get with cool guys. they're cool.)
- occupation--work for a bank. hurray for bankers? i don't think so. (question: what's the big deal about money?)
- penetration--i'm only scratching the surface now... i'll get deeper soon enough. (request: stay tuned.)
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